txtsfrmlstnght: (716): Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises…
Mary Toft →
bestofwikipedia: Mary Toft was an English woman from Godalming, Surrey, who in 1726 became the subject of considerable controversy when she hoaxed doctors into believing that she had given birth to rabbits. Toft became pregnant in 1726, but later miscarried. Apparently fascinated by a rabbit she had seen while working, she claimed to have given birth to parts of animals. (via tiptoebitchrobot)
txtsfrmlstnght: (440): you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
txtsfrmlstnght: (248): I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
txtsfrmlstnght: (214): come over (1-214): yeah sure (1-214): wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted…but tell me and ill be there in 10
Philltopia » 15 life lessons learned from SimCity →
[dothedaft.com] The Daft Punk's Console by... →
fmylife: Today, in the middle of having sex with my boyfriend, instead of saying something sexy, he decided to tell me that the bowling alley had a new air hockey table. FML
What's your bra size!?
digitalbath: andampersand: faultycameras: bendthelight: theastronaut: alakazannah: 34C 38D 38c. LMAO WTF THIS WAS SO RANDOM 36D 36D 38B
txtsfrmlstnght: (970): you want my honest opinion? I’m sure refering to her vagina as the “bat cave” was your first mistake.
txtsfrmlstnght: (781): I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
txtsfrmlstnght: (812): Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
txtsfrmlstnght: (480): so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, “I can has cheeseburger?” and then went back to eating me out.
Lost People Really Do Walk In Circles - Neatorama →
Nitrogen Triiodide detonated by the touch of a feather.
The eyeballing game →
txtsfrmlstnght: (612): We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can’t be drunk.
txtsfrmlstnght: (612): Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
txtsfrmlstnght: (856): take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i’m not going to eat you out for a month.
TYWKIWDBI: The mathematics of the locavore... →
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